she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
