Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
