rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize