Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize