You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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