On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it's like heaven, but drunker
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
