beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
