wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
