The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
