Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
