I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize