Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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