In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My vagina is officially offended.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
