you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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