you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
