I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
