so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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