i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
