I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
