i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
