so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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