So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my being single is dangerous.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
