so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wannas sexs uuuuu
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
