If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you had me at cake vodka
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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