did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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