Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
