i may or may not be watching the land before time
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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