I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
