You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
