I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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