cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
