A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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