i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
...so i touched it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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