My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
