the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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