"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
