i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize