so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
