My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
