i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize