AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
