1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
