Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
