Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
