i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
