In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
