I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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