i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
