I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
