if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
