Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize