would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
