How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
