she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
