The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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