My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
