thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
