White coat. Heels.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
