Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
