Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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