i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
