If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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