Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize
