Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
