During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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