Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
