i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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