I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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