my vag is so smooth its legendary
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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