don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
