i think my mom watched the whole time
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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