I think my fart just growled at me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
