when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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