um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize