I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
